


Let's Hurt Tonight

by Emeli_Thorne



Series: My Forever Is Yours [21]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU - No ZA, F/M, Shane is suffering, prepare for pain, so much aaaangst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21546193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeli_Thorne/pseuds/Emeli_Thorne
Summary: Shane Walsh thinks his life is going great.Sure, his girlfriend broke him - broke his heart and soul in pieces a few years ago and he's never quite recovered from it but otherwise... it's all good.He's learnt to cope, to ignore the pain and trudge through each day as if through a battlefield.Until one cold, rainy night.
Relationships: Shane Walsh/Original Female Character(s)
Series: My Forever Is Yours [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/981978
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Let's Hurt Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, awesome people! I'ts been awhile since I posted anything, partly due to work, partly cause of personal things etc Anyway, I have had this written since... probably April maybe even sooner and I'm only now posting it. It's angsty and it hurts but it's necessary.
> 
> Remember, the story is told out of order.
> 
> Timeline: A couple of years after Shane and Tess break up (they've been broken up for about two years), before Sylvie and Pete are born.

It’s ten past eleven and Shane’s getting ready for bed, brushing his teeth when he hears the doorbell ring. It’s been ages since he’s had any visitors, especially this late at night and the thought of anyone coming into his home has him unsettled.

He’s had a terribly exhausting shift. When he came home from work, Shane had indulged in a few minutes of pointless TV programme before giving up on it for the night; the noise proved to be too much for his tired ears, the sounds all blending into an annoying, mind-numbing buzz.

The thought of having to speak to anyone fills Shane with unusual grumpiness, especially since he has surpassed his quota of conversations for the day – week even.

Finishing up and yelling to whomever is at the door that he would be right there, he pads across the floor, turning on the lights in the living room and the hallway as he goes. He considered for a brief moment to take his gun, but if there was an intruder, they would hardly waste time knocking, risking alerting anyone in the house to their presence.

Managing to steal a quick glance out the window, Shane realises the rain that had started not too long after he left the station has picked up the pace. The wind seems to have grown even strong, the swaying branches of the cherry tree outside his house knocking in a steady rhythm against the windows.

The hallway tiles are cold against his feet as he reaches the door and stares at the silhouette through the frosted glass. As muddy as the shadow looks, especially so badly lit under the porch light, his brain recognises it immediately.

Shane stands there, frozen, oxygen seemingly a foreign concept to his lungs when another ring reminds him he has yet to answer the door.

His hand shakes as he does so, fingers flexing too firmly around the doorknob. He nearly stumbles off his feet as his gaze closes in on the person before him.

Tess is standing outside, soaking wet, holding a box in her arms.

The sight in front of him twists his stomach in agonizing knots, goosebumps spreading all over his skin. Whether it is from the cold coming from outside ripping through his body or the woman standing before him, Shane doesn’t have the time to mull over.

Tess, the woman he hasn’t seen properly in a couple of years is drenched, body shaking, mascara running down her cheeks. Her wet hair is plastered against her face, lips quivering as she stares at him with those big eyes that appear to be begging him to let her in.

Mesmerized for a moment, it is only after he dares to blink that Shane realises she is holding a cardboard box.

A cardboard box that – _whines_?

“I f-f-found them b-by the road. Some-someone just left them,” Tess tells him in lieu of a reply to his unasked question, lips quivering. For a second he manages to pry his eyes away from her countenance, focusing on the box instead, his brain registering the pitch of her voice increasing. It makes him think she might have cried over it, and that _it_ was the culprit for her runny mascara and not the rain.

All Shane can do though is stare right back at her once again, wondering what in the fucking hell she wants from him and how the fuck did she end up at his doorstep at this hour no less.

Her lips tremble as she asks, “Can I come in?”

He wants to say no. He wants to tell her she can’t come into his home, not like this – out of the blue – and mess up the semblance of normalcy he has struggled to cultivate these past couple of years.

He stays quiet however, swallows all the questions, all the curses and steps aside. Bowing her head for a moment, an unfathomable expression crossing her face, Tess crosses the threshold and for the first time in years, they find themselves in the same space, face to face.

It is already suffocating him – her nearness, that itch for her he thought was buried deep inside years ago, the anger he fought desperately to shun from. That beer he drank when he got home is fighting its way up his oesophagus, and it takes some great willpower to keep his damn insides in control.

Is it normal to feel dizzy at the sight of one’s past ... lover, girlfriend, _soulmate_?

Shane leads Tess to a small living room, all the while debating whether he should have let her inside his home at all.

Not one minute has passed, yet Shane already feels like someone is ripping him apart, the old wounds itching with a greater urgency than they usually do.

But he isn’t a monster. He still cares for her and the last thing he would want would be for her to get sick because he was too great of an asshole to give her a shelter in this weather.

For no apparent reason, Shane feels glad he keeps his home tidy. He tells himself that, though deep inside he wants Tess to see he isn't doing bad without her. Everything is fine in his life - an empty thought he has been feeding himself since their breakup, since their losses... 

It doesn't matter that it eats him alive, this loneliness etched into his being, the want for her, his love, so strong it cripples him daily.

A movement catches his eye, shaking him from his depressing thoughts – something is peeking from the box. In spite of his reluctance to approach the woman he once considered his entire world, Shane manages to croak something akin to “what you got there?”. _Akin_, because his brain is definitely short-circuiting with the fact that Tess is in his house, in his living room, right there in front of him and he can’t even touch her.

Not that he would want to. 

It would send him spiralling, Shane knows; he wouldn't be able to resist her nearness.

Instead of answering, Tess tilts the box forward, gently he notices, to reveal a litter of puppies, all shivering and huddling together for warmth. Only then does he remember her telling him she found them on the side of the road. The poor pups must’ve been freezing.

“Here, let me dry them,” he reaches for the box, hands firmly avoiding any contact with hers. Shane’s not even looking at her, focusing all of his attention on the puppies. It all seems too bizarre to try and unpack now. 

“You can go dry yourself in the bathroom. I’ll get you some dry clothes.”

Turning his back to her, Shane heads towards the kitchen leaving Tess to find the way to the bathroom alone, the only clue he’s given her being a short nod to the right. Shane catches himself thinking that he’s a fool, being so nonchalant with her after everything. Yet, his heart still calls for her and there is not a reason in this world he would ever refuse her.

In the kitchen, Shane puts the box on the floor, then makes a short trip to his room to set up the bed and get some dry clothes for Tess, laying them out on commode outside the bathroom.

If for a fleeting moment his hands tremble and he remembers how it was _before_, the intimacy of having her in his shirt, prancing around in his clothes - he stomps that memory into the ground.

Their time has passed.

From his bedroom he grabs some clean towels as well and, returning to the kitchen, starts drying the puppies.

It takes him some time – there’s five of them, all pitch black colour with a few white dots scattered here and there on their furs. They are all relatively malleable, whining almost silently as Shane cleans them and puts them on a pile of towels. Next, he goes to the pantry and brings back some newspapers and a basket. Layering the newspapers at the bottom of the basket, Shane takes a few of those towels he took out earlier and puts them on top of the newspapers to make it more comfortable and warmer for the pups.

When he heats up some milk and sets it in front of them, the pups almost topple each other trying to get to the bowl.

He’ll buy some proper dog food in the morning.

After he makes sure they are all clean and fed, Shane puts them in the basket and they huddle together once again, this time seeming sated and ready to sleep, judging by their yawns. Not wanting to leave them alone, he brings the basket in the living room, placing it next to the couch so he can monitor them in case they need something. 

Shane plops down, eyes focused on them. The pups get quiet in matter of minutes, soft snoring sounds almost muted by pitter-patter of the rain against the windowsill. He feels himself doze off as well, his eyes barely open as he sits back and rests his head on the back of the couch.

* * * * *

_Footsteps._

His eyes open immediately, mind sharp as ever.

She is standing in his living room drowned in his sweatpants and hoodie as a few droplets drip down her face. Her wet hair is wrapped in a towel as she fidgets on her feet, obviously uncomfortable being there, in his space when their relationship is so strained.

_Strained?_

_More like non-existent._

It’s a punch to his heart having her here when he can’t even properly look at her, touch her, speak to her.

“I wasn’t sure you’d open the door after…” her voice drifts off, eyes cast downwards as she nervously tugs on the sleeves.

Shane snickers, feeling anger build up in him at the mere thought of the woman he loves doubting him. “Don’t say that. You know I’d never turn my back on you. I love you too much to ever do that,” he almost yells it in her face, sounding as bitter as he feels.

His hands hurt from clenching them at his sides, tears stinging his eyes when he looks at her and notices she’s still wearing the necklace he gave her on their first anniversary.

It glints under the dim lights of the living room lamp, taunting him, mocking him, reminding him of better days when his life wasn’t a giant pile of shit.

What a silly thing to notice amidst everything bizarre that has happened so far.

“I know. I’m… I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry,” Tess chokes, covering her mouth with her hand but Shane still hears her sob and it makes him want to scream in pain.

Seeing her cry, it guts him still.

His hands itch to touch her, offer her some kind of comfort though he knows he will never be able to give her that.

He wasn’t able to back then and he sure as hell isn’t able to now.

_He’s not what she wants._

_What he has to offer isn’t enough._

_Not for him, certainly not for her._

To break the awkwardness, he sighs, dragging his hand across his face and heads to the kitchen, casting one look at the pups to make sure they're alright. “I’ll make you some tea,” he says, “I gotta blanket in the closet there,” he motions towards a small cabinet without looking at her.

* * * * *

Shane leaves her in the living room and escapes to the kitchen, focusing on the simple task of tea-making instead of the way her lips quivered when he first opened the door, the way she was shaking on his doorstep in the rain and despair that haunted her gaze.

He listens to the sound of her shuffling around in the next room, her sniffles and dry coughs that make his whole body hurt in agony.

A few years ago he could cuddle with her under the blanket, tuck her feet under his legs and her arms would be wrapped around him, head resting under his chin. He wouldn’t mind holding her like that the whole night, lips pressed on her forehead to check her temperature.

Now, he has to try hard not to touch an inch of her skin as he hands her a mug and she thanks him, smiling timidly like him making her a tea was some unknown concept for both of them.

She knocks the breath right out of his lungs with that simple gesture, inflicting the final blow to his already fragile emotions.

They sit on the opposite ends of the couch, the space between them the size of an ocean.

She’s small, quiet and not at all the woman he knew.

_Not that he’s observing her._

_Why would he? He’s got no rights._

They drink the tea in uncomfortable quietness of Shane’s living room, both seemingly lost in their own heads, unwilling to break the unspoken vow of silence they had sworn to some years ago when their life blew into smithereens.

The puppies are still so not even they can serve as a conversation starter. Probably neither of them want to talk anyway.

When they can’t pretend to be drinking from empty cups anymore, Tess yawns and excuses herself as Shane points to his bedroom. “I set up the bed. I’ll stay here,” he adds as if to leave no doubt between them.

_He’s not going to approach her, he won’t seek her out._

Shane can almost swear he sees a tear roll down her cheek right before she tells him ‘thank you’ and leaves without another glance.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments feed my inspiration :D
> 
> If you love Shane as much as I do, check out my other Shane fics
> 
> Find me on tumblr at lightblindingme :D


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